Jonah: The Bible is very clear that sex is a sacred act reserved exclusively for marriage. Genesis 2:24 says, “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” This verse not only establishes marriage as the context for sex but also emphasises its profound spiritual and emotional unity. Christians should uphold this biblical principle without compromise.

Carl: I think it’s essential to read Scripture with an understanding of its historical context. Yes, Genesis 2:24 establishes the union of a couple, but what about the principles of love and mutual consent that transcend cultural norms? In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul reminds us that “love is patient, love is kind…” Shouldn’t this guide Christian relationships, including sex, rather than a rigid adherence to ancient marital customs?

Jonah: While love is indeed central, love does not override God’s moral laws. Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage should be honoured by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” This verse explicitly ties sexual purity to marriage. Allowing sex outside of marriage leads to moral chaos and undermines the sanctity of the institution God established.

Carl: I believe they must evolve with our understanding of human relationships. For example, Jesus emphasised the spirit of the law over the letter. In Matthew 22:37-40, Jesus summarised the law as loving God and loving your neighbour. A loving, consensual sexual relationship—marriage or not—can reflect those values if it is grounded in mutual respect and care.

Jonah: That interpretation risks making personal feelings the measure of morality rather than God’s Word. Scripture is consistent in its condemnation of sexual immorality, including fornication. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 says, “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honourable.” This clearly calls for self-control and adherence to God’s standards, not cultural reinterpretation.

Carl: But what is “sexual immorality” really? Many of those definitions were tied to ancient patriarchal structures. For example, polygamy was acceptable in the Old Testament (Genesis 29:30), but most Christians today reject it. If our understanding of marriage has evolved, why can’t our view of sex evolve too? I believe God cares more about the heart behind our actions than rigid conformity to rules.

Jonah: You’re conflating cultural practices with God’s unchanging moral principles. Jesus Himself reaffirmed the importance of Genesis 2:24 in Matthew 19:4-6 when He said, ”‘Haven’t you read,’ he replied, ‘that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.’” This shows that marriage remains God’s design for sexual union.

Carl: I don’t disagree that Jesus upheld marriage as significant, but He also broke cultural taboos to show love and grace. Think of His interaction with the Samaritan woman in John 4:17-18, where He acknowledges her relationships but does not condemn her. Shouldn’t we, as Christians, focus on extending grace and understanding rather than imposing rigid standards on others?

Jonah: Grace does not nullify the call to holiness. Jesus told the woman caught in adultery in John 8:11, “Go now and leave your life of sin.” He offered grace but also called for repentance. Christians should hold themselves to the standard of purity God sets, not conform to the shifting morals of society.

Carl: And I believe repentance means aligning our actions with love, not simply rules. Romans 13:10 says, “Love does no harm to a neighbour. Therefore love is the fulfilment of the law.” If a relationship is genuinely loving, respectful, and consensual, then it reflects God’s love. The legalistic boundaries you’re advocating risk alienating people rather than drawing them closer to Christ.

Jonah: Love is central, but true love is grounded in obedience to God’s Word. As 1 John 5:3 says, “In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome.” We cannot separate love for God from obedience to His design for sex and marriage.

Carl: Obedience is important, Jonah, but so is interpretation. God’s Word is alive and active (Hebrews 4:12), which means it can speak to us in new ways as we grow in understanding. Christians should approach sex, and sex acts, not with fear or shame but with a commitment to love, grace, and authenticity.

Jonah: Now, when it comes to sex acts, Christians must be especially cautious. Even within marriage, sex must honour God. Acts that are degrading, unnatural, or driven by lust rather than love fall into sin. Romans 1:26-27 condemns unnatural relations, and that principle should guide how married couples express intimacy. Sex is not about indulgence but about glorifying God through mutual love and procreation.

Carl: I think you’re taking a narrow view of what it means to honour God through sex. Sex is a gift meant to be enjoyed by both partners, not just for procreation. Song of Solomon is full of passionate, poetic descriptions of marital love and desire. For instance, Song of Solomon 7:6-9 celebrates physical intimacy in vivid, joyful terms. Christians should feel free to explore and enjoy their sexuality in ways that strengthen their bond and express love, as long as both partners agree.

Jonah: I agree that Song of Solomon celebrates marital intimacy, but it’s clear that such acts should remain within the boundaries of purity. For example, oral sex or other non-traditional acts could lead couples to indulge in lustful behaviour rather than pure marital love. Philippians 4:8 reminds us to focus on things that are “true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable.” Some acts are selfish and degrading, even if consensual.

Carl: But who decides what’s “degrading,” Jonah? Isn’t that subjective? If both partners in a marriage find joy, connection, and mutual satisfaction in a specific act, how can it be wrong? 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 emphasises the mutuality of sexual relationships: “The husband should fulfil his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.” It’s about giving and receiving pleasure, not rigid rules.

Jonah: That passage is about meeting each other’s needs, not indulging in sinful desires. Acts that mimic immoral behaviour, such as pornography or practices rooted in lust, go against the spirit of Christian love. Jesus warned in Matthew 5:28, “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Even within marriage, we must guard our hearts against lust.

Carl: Jonah, there’s a difference between lust and healthy sexual desire. Lust is selfish and objectifying, while marital intimacy is about connection and love. The Bible doesn’t explicitly condemn specific acts like oral sex or other forms of intimacy. Instead, it focuses on the principles of love, consent, and mutual respect. If both spouses feel loved and respected, isn’t that honouring God?

Jonah: You’re walking a dangerous line, Carl. When you say the Bible doesn’t “explicitly condemn” something, you open the door to subjective interpretations. Ephesians 5:3 warns, “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” Christians must err on the side of caution and avoid acts that might lead to impurity.

Carl: But Jonah, Ephesians 5:3 refers to immorality outside the context of a loving, committed relationship. Within marriage, Christians have freedom. Paul reminds us in Galatians 5:13, “You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.” Exploring and enjoying each other in marriage can be an expression of that freedom, as long as it’s rooted in love and service.

Jonah: Freedom in Christ doesn’t mean anything goes. We are called to live holy lives, and that includes how we conduct ourselves in the bedroom. Acts that mimic worldly behaviour or focus solely on physical gratification are dangerous. Holiness should always guide our choices.

Carl: Holiness is important, but so is intimacy. Let’s not forget that sex is a deeply personal and sacred act between two people. As Romans 14:22-23 says, “Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves. But whoever has doubts is condemned if they eat, because their eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin.” If a couple feels peace in their choices, free of guilt, isn’t that between them and God?

Jonah: I hear you, Carl, but Christians should aim for God’s standards, not their own feelings. Jeremiah 17:9 warns, “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” We need Scripture, not personal peace, to guide us. And Scripture calls us to purity and self-control in all things, even in marriage.

Carl: And I’d argue that purity and self-control can look different in the context of a loving marriage. The focus should be on love, mutuality, and connection, not guilt or fear. Let’s not impose unnecessary restrictions that can harm intimacy and create shame in something God intended to be beautiful and joyful.

Our faith calls us to continuously seek wisdom and understanding. It’s vital for us, as Christians, to engage in these dialogues, always aiming to reflect God’s love and wisdom in our lives and the lives of those around us.